


i don't wanna live like this (but i don't wanna die)

by historyrepeatsitself



Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Books), How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), How to Train Your Dragon - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bertha is Tired, Bullying, Crimes & Criminals, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III Needs a Hug, Hurt Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Organized Crime, Other, also just not a fan of changing their names, alvin is in the mafia lmao, basically its gonna end sad, bully Snotlout, cami goes to an all girls school, dont know how to work tags tbh, excellinor is a bitch but thats not suprising, fishlegs has anger issues, fishlegs is a foster kid, guess who dies :(, i swear snotlout will get nicer :(, maybe theyre nicknames idk, might make this a full fanfic but thats a lot of Work, oh and i didnt change their names bc fuck that, shes worried tho too, snotlout is a grade up tho, so hes like 16/17, so like 15ish, stoick is a Worried Dad™, theyre all high school, this is my first ao3, too much work, valhallarama is still kinda absent in this tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-07-28 07:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20060395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/historyrepeatsitself/pseuds/historyrepeatsitself
Summary: not too long after completing his first year of high school, hiccup helps his best friend search for his estranged father. however, in doing so, without realizing it, hiccup sabotages the nefarious plot of the son of the mafia leader. while hiccup and his friends move on, after what they believe was a failed attempt to reach fishlegs' father, the mafia leader, with encouragement from her son, seeks hiccup out, desperate for revenge and victory.he may be the hidden key to the mafia's victory.





	1. clickity-clack

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this is the prologue i promise it gets angstier and becomes more abt characters you ACTUALLY care about. anyway, no tw for this chapter, it's pretty chill. also this all came from the modern au post i made on tumblr so check that out for more background! link- https://historyrepeatsitself.tumblr.com/post/186636428459/modern-au-headcanons-p2  
also sorry for any weird spacing in this fic, im still getting used to Ao3 formatting.   
oh and a few notes i made before starting this (because this deserves to be a longer, better fic):   
• Yes, Alvin is still fishlegs’ father in this AU  
• However, Alvin and his mother are with a local crime group (mafia basically)   
• Stoick and bertha wind up merging their companies   
• They were rivals but after finding out about a third company (alvin’s) that is closing in, they merged to avoid losing money  
• Theyre actually buddies now whoops  
• Anyway, alvin’s company continues to grow  
• However, unbeknownst to stoick and bertha, Alvin is heavily affiliated with the mafia as his mother is the leader  
• This gives him inside on stoick and bertha and lots of good ways to dismantle their company including just straight up thievery  
• All stoick, bertha, and Alvin all own manufacturing companies, alvin’s is a cover though as opposed to normal manufacturing stuff, his company secretly manufactures weapons for the planned mafia takeover of not just berk (though they are based there) but all surrounding cities as well (archipelago)   
• He steals stoick and bertha’s stuff tho to A) allow himself to make more money for more weapons & B) he doesn’t actually know anything about manufacturing   
• This is all unknown to stoick, bertha, the trio, etc.   
• However, the trio does keep accidentally interfering with Alvin’s plans and illegal activities in desperate attempts to find fishlegs’ real father (coincidence huh)   
• As a result of this Alvin kind of hates hiccup specifically and after finding out that he’s stoick’s son, he decides that hiccup may be a weak point in the company  
• He also mistakenly believes that hiccup was actually on to him and knows Alvin is mafia (hiccup did NOT)   
• Also snotlout is a dick and bully and hiccup’s cousin

“Mother!” Alvin snapped, he was exhausted, this woman was exhausting.

“What, Alvin?” she shot back, every word shooting from her mouth with daggers of disgust, contempt, hatred, and spit.

“You have to listen to me!”

“I did listen, Alvin, and now I’m done, and I’ve decided that you should stick to listening to me!”

“Oh, for the love of—I’m telling you, mother, the kid is the answer. You’ve spent all this time trying to take down stupid Stoick and his new best friend when it really is this easy!”

“Oh yes Alvin, kidnapping a fourteen-year-old child sounds like an excellent solution to all my problems. He’s obviously the mastermind behind the company!”

“I wouldn’t doubt it, mother!”

His mother huffed and rolled her eyes before returning their gaze to her computer screen. Alvin wasn’t quite sure what she was doing, but he had a feeling it was something illegal, and something to do with Stoick.

“Mother you have to listen!”

“I _have_ listened, Alvin!”

“Mother, every time I have tried to do _anything_ him and his little friends have stepped in! He knows who we are mother, I’m sure of it. He’s smart, he knows and we’re in danger if we just let him walk around.”

Excellinor turned to gaze at him with a look that Alvin felt might have turned him to a pile of ash. “You could have led with that,” her voice was ice cold.

“You should have listened.”

“You stupid, stupid boy!” she snapped, “You’re telling me you were bested by some fourteen-year-old? This is ridiculous, we’re doomed!”

“We wouldn’t be if you had taken me seriously, and it’s not my fault, mother! I’ve been dealing with this kid for years and he’s very good! I don’t know how he does it, but he’s very good! Don’t underestimate him, mother!”

Excellinor snorted, “Underestimate a fourteen-year-old, Jesus, Alvin, I’m nowhere near as incompetent as you.”

There was a pause as Alvin listened to the _clickity-clack_ of Excellinor’s long fingernails across her keyboard. Finally, she lifted her head, evidently having finished her work.

“I’ll get him. We’ll bring him to a facility and see if he knows half as much as you say he does.”

Despite Excellinor’s emotionless tone, Alvin found himself rather relieved by her words.

One way or another, he was getting his revenge.

The repetitive, ominous _clickity-clack_ of his mother’s heels had signaled that. The door slammed behind her, and he could hear her no longer.


	2. fundemental principals of biology & soup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this was gonna be a oneshot with i guess a prologue but alas,,, yall get to wait for chapter 3 now because we're not even at the actual hurt part or even the comfort part!!! also i tried to stay as in characters as possible, its a little hard because theyre reacting to modern situations and using modernized language so i hope im not too ooc. also im american so im so sorry i dont know how other schools work or anything!!! do yall have security guards at ur schools? we do, but we also love guns so idk (they also deal with fights for us too tho so)  
oh and i tried to leave little tidbits of the books in, so see if you can catch some!  
also tw:  
uncensored swearing (not a good word)  
bullying  
some physical abuse  
fighting

Though Hiccup had grown used to Fishlegs’ groaning, this particular moan was loud enough to draw him away from the biology textbook he was currently entranced by. “What?” he asked.

“I never expected you to be this boring during finals week,” Fishlegs moaned, drawing out his words in exaggeration.

Hiccup sighed and set down _Fundamental Principals of Biology_. “Look, I’m bored too, but my dad is gonna be really, really upset with me if I don’t do well on this. You know how he is. I’ll never see the light of day if I fail these finals.”

“Ugh, Hiccup you’re not going to _fail_. But you know you can die from lack of nutrition and the sun provides nutrition, that you’re not getting, so you could die.” At the final word, Fishlegs waves his arms in the air dramatically.

Hiccup rolled his eyes, “It’s like two weeks max, Fishlegs, I’ll live.”

“Not necessarily. Plus, something crazy could happen, like the sun exploding and you would spend your last moments studying for your biology final.”

“Not true!” said Hiccup pointedly, “I’m also studying for my geometry final. I could die while doing a geometric proof.”

“God I’d rather die than do a geometric proof.”

“Mood,” Hiccup laughed.

“No, but seriously, can you just come over and like, watch a movie, or something? This continuous going to the library and studying is _killing_ me.”

“Fishlegs you’re not even the one studying right now, although maybe you should be, but…” Hiccup trailed off, raising his eyes to the ceiling and smirking.

“’ Ay, you can throw shade at me all you want, but I’m living my best life! I don’t have my nose in a boring biology book, I’m not going to die from sunlight deficiency, and I got an A on my last Italian test. So, I officially speak a romance language.”

“Getting an A on one test does not mean you speak the language, Fishlegs,” Hiccup snorted.

“Not true, I learned a bunch of Italian pick up lines. It’s the most romantic language!”

Hiccup giggled, “Sure, I’m sure your lines really charm, Fishlegs.”

In response, Fishlegs sighed dramatically, gazing up at the cafeteria ceiling before looking back at Hiccup. “Al cielo manca un angelo ma I’ho trovata,” Hiccup could tell from his voice that he had watched at least one romance movie last night.

“What does that mean?” he asked.

“It means, ‘Heaven is missing an angel, but I found her.’”

“Oh, wow Fishlegs, I think I just fell in love with you, I can’t believe it,” Hiccup monotoned.

“Oh, shut up, it’s not for you, dummy, you’re not a girl or an angel.”

“I dunno, I think I’m pretty angelic,” he cocked his head to the side and fluttered his eyelashes in mock.

This time it was Fishlegs’ turn to roll his eyes, “I take everything back, I liked it better when you were studying biology.”

Hiccup grinned and returned to his book, _Chapter 15: The Basis of All Living Organisms, Section 1: The Structure of a Cell. _

He looked up now and then from the countless diagrams to stare at the clock on the lunchroom wall. He didn’t think he was really absorbing any of the material, but what choice did he have? His dad would be so angry if Hiccup didn’t do well, so disappointed. He was always talking about how a good GPA is so important for college and a good college is so important for life. It’s what got him where he was today, blah blah blah… (Hiccup thought it was stupid because everyone knew Stoick got into college for American football).

“The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.” _Wow_, Hiccup thought, _Snotlout was right, they really do only teach you one thing in high school, that stupid mitochondria line. _

Speak of the devil, as soon as Hiccup even thought his name, Snotlout came sauntering up to Hiccup and Fishlegs’ lunch table. “Hey losers,” he grinned, Snotlout’s smile never quite looked happy, Hiccup noticed, it always carried at least a certain undertone of malice. Unfortunately for them, today, it seemed to carry quite a bit.

“What do you want Snotlout?” asked Hiccup tiredly as he shifted to become more of a barrier between Snotlout and Fishlegs. Fishlegs was terrified of Snotlout, and while Hiccup despised him, he found him more of a nuisance than a terror.

“What’cha reading?” Snotlout’s tone dripped with sarcasm. Though Hiccup knew this, he still opened his mouth to reply, before Snotlout grabbed the book from his hands and slammed it down on Fishlegs’ lunch. Hiccup heard Fishlegs stifle a complaint.

“C’mon Snotlout, Fishlegs needs to eat that,” said Hiccup quietly.

“Oh okay,” Snotlout replied before picking up the book again and slamming it down on Hiccup’s lunch. “Oopsie, silly me,” he giggled, “My hands must have slipped.” He grabbed the one unharmed item from Fishlegs’ lunch tray, his tomato soup, and quickly poured it over Hiccup’s head. “Oh jeez, what a butterfingers I am! Good thing—” he snorted, “—it kinda matches your hair.”

Hiccup faintly heard laughter over the pounding in his ears. He felt his face grown hot. The laughter only got louder. “Now it really matches your face!” Snotlout laughed. “What’s wrong Hiccup? Want your mommy? Too bad she’s probably out of the country again,” Hiccup wasn’t sure he was breathing right, his breath felt shallow and heavy at the same time. “Maybe she’s avoiding you,” Snotlout’s voice was too loud. So was the laughter. “So, Hiccup, this is a pretty big book for you to start learning to read with! I mean ninth grade is a little late but better late than never, right?”

“Shut up, Snotlout,” he mumbled. Snotlout ignored him.

“Is Fishlegs teaching you to read? Its too bad he can read but can’t talk,” Snotlout guffawed. Hiccup felt Fishlegs grip his arm a little tighter. Everyone knew that Fishlegs was tragically not the best public speaker. It was odd because it was really good at acting, but after a disastrous speech he was forced to make in seventh grade, it became clear that Fishlegs was better at being other people than himself on stage. Fishlegs also regularly struggled with finding the right words around Snotlout and tended to stammered when nervous (not a good combination). Which is why it was so shocking when Hiccup heard Fishlegs snap. Fishlegs rarely snapped.

“Fuck OFF, Snotlout!” Fishlegs shouted it was a bit louder than Hiccup would have liked.

Snotlout was rather taken aback. “Oh, he speaks, does he?”

“Tell me, Fishlegs, do you think your parents were fortune tellers?”

“What additional crack are you on today?” Fishlegs retorted, evidentially confused by the question.

“Well, I’m just asking because, y’know, maybe they saw the future and realized what a pathetic loser you would be, maybe that’s why they lef—” Snotlout was unable to finish his sentence as he and the group of kids that were now surrounding them were unable to stop laughing. Snotlout was gripping the side of the table to stop him from falling over from laughter.

Hiccup could tell that some of the school security guards were trying to get through the crowd of kids, but the situation was becoming rather mob-_ish_.

Hiccup turned ever so slightly so he could see Fishlegs’ face. It was far redder than his and far, far _angrier_. He didn’t meet Hiccup’s eyes. “Fishlegs,” Hiccup mumbled, recognizing the glint in his eyes.

Fishlegs stood up. “Oh no,” Hiccup muttered, tugging at Fishlegs’ sleeve. “Fishlegs, come on, let’s just leave, it’s fine. C’mon man, let’s just go, please, _Fishlegs_!” he begged.

Fishlegs paid no attention.

He faced Snotlout. Although the two of them had faced off before, Hiccup was consistently surprised that the two were the same height. Snotlout just seemed so much more _powerful_.

“Leave us alone,” Fishlegs growled.

“Or what?” Snotlout laughed.

Fishlegs narrowed his eyes. His face serious, while Snotlout was still laughing, evidently unaware of the threat.

“Fishlegs,” Hiccup attempted one last time. He really didn’t want Fishlegs to get in trouble, and despite his cousin’s insanity, he really didn’t want Snotlout to get hurt.

Too late.

Fishlegs’ fist connected well with the bridge of Snotlout’s nose. And then again with his jaw. His shoe met Snotlout’s stomach, jabbing upward.

The whole cafeteria was yelling. Teachers and security guards were frantically breaking through the madness to stop Fishlegs.

Snotlout had been so taken aback that it wasn’t even really a fight between the two of them. Though Snotlout was regularly good in fights, Fishlegs’ element of surprise had dealt a heavy toll. It was more of a beatdown than a fight. A beatdown delivered by Fishlegs.

_ Opposite day _thought Hiccup.

Snotlout lay sprawled on the ground. Luckily for him, however, one guard successfully made it through the madness to grab Fishlegs by the waist and quickly haul him off before he could deliver a second set of blows.

Several more followed the guard out, while two more and the school nurse rushed over to Snotlout. Hiccup guessed Snotlout’s nose was broken.

Fishlegs wasn’t strong, but his punch had landed in the right place.

A woman who Hiccup recognized as one of the school’s deans was approaching him. He suddenly became more conscious of the soup Snotlout had dumped on his head. He scrambled around desperately trying to find a napkin when the woman finally reached him.

“Hi,” she smiled curtly, “will you come with me?”

Hiccup sighed, “Yeah.” _I don’t have any other choice. _

He followed the woman out of the cafeteria, overtly conscious that he was wearing a bowl of soup on his head.


	3. mellifluous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> like almost 1k words about hiccup being cold and chilling at the library also geometry sucks (me self projecting my 14y/o self onto hiccup)   
also sorry this chapter is a lil short its kind of a filler

Hiccup’s consistent need to go to the library wound up not affecting Fishlegs after school that day. Hiccup figured his after-school plans wouldn’t affect Fishlegs’ life for _quite_ a while. Fishlegs had been granted the honor of after school detention for four months, as well as seeing a school counselor once a week for the rest of the year.

“At least it’s not morning detention,” Hiccup had attempted to console him. Fishlegs was not a morning person.

However, it appeared that Hiccup’s optimism hadn’t comforted Fishlegs as much as he’d hoped. Fishlegs merely sighed at Hiccup’s remark before weakly waving goodbye and heading down the hallway in the opposite direction as Hiccup. Hiccup frowned before heading to the school’s front doors to exit the building.

Upon stepping out into the cool December air, he quickly zipped his jacket and mentally kicked himself for forgetting to wear boots to school. There hadn’t been any snow on the ground this morning but unfortunately, as it tended to do in December, the sky had opened up and great piles of snow now rested on every street corner. Hiccup’s tennis shoes were not waterproof. _Shit. _

The walk to the library wasn’t normally bad, it was only about thirty minutes. However, in today’s ice-cold wind, it seemed far, far longer. The wind seemed to bite at Hiccup’s cheek as he walked. It stung in his eyes and his nose hurt. He wished he had remembered a scarf. He did have to admit though, the tennis shoes were a bad call, but by fifteen minutes into the walk Hiccup’s feet were so cold he wasn’t sure he could quite feel them. That was convenient. He hoped he didn’t have frostbite. That would be quite difficult to explain to his father.

_ “Sorry, my feet got amputated, dad. Now I’ll never be able to play American football like you. What a shame! Oh, why did they get amputated? Oh, I decided after looking at the weather and seeing that there was supposed to be a snowstorm to wear my tennis shoes to school instead of boots. Tennis shoes have better traction, you see.” _

***

The library was warm and bright. Never too bright though, Hiccup loved it. Everything in the library was muted. The voices were quiet, the colors never too sharp, the lights were always enough to see by, but never too much. Never glaring. No one looked at him weirdly for walking in soaking wet. No one noticed that he stumbled slightly as he walked through the automatic doors. Everyone was so immersed in their work it was as though he was a ghost.

It was perfect.

He never told Fishlegs why he was such a fan of the library. He always used giant tests such as finals as an excuse.

Hiccup strolled around the rows and rows of books waiting for his toes to thaw. He was immensely grateful when he realized that he had regained feeling, and even more grateful when the burning pain in his toes finally subsided. Even his nose was regaining feeling.

Around 4:30, Hiccup decided to sit down at one of the tables in the back of the library on the top floor. It was always the quietest up there. It primarily housed nonfiction books such as biographies, this meant that few children visited. Plus, the desks and computers were almost always empty. The desks also overlooked the park that surrounded the library.

Though the descending winter meant that the light was quickly disappearing from the sky, Hiccup could still gaze out over the park. He could admire the barren trees and the now still fountain, the snow that covered the once-green grass.

Hiccup remembered all the times he’d spent with his parents here. His mom had been around a bit more then. He remembered that she had taken him sledding here. The fountain was perched atop a small hill.

His dad hadn’t been as busy either.

In spring he had taken Hiccup through the park. He had talked endlessly about how he wanted Hiccup to start playing football through their local park district league. He had talked about what Valhallarama was doing on her elongated business trip. He had explained why Hiccup needed to make a little more of an effort to get along with Snotlout.

None of these things had particularly interested eight-year-old Hiccup, but he listened anyway. Perfectly happy to stroll through the park. He liked the flowers.

Fourteen-year-old Hiccup shook his head trying to clear it of distraction. He needed to focus.

Hiccup sighed and reached into his bag to pull out his geometry book. Though Hiccup had feigned concern about his biology final to Fishlegs, in all truth, he rather enjoyed the subject. Sometimes, he had found, he just wasn’t always a fan of talking. Biology had made for a nice escape.

Hiccup knew Fishlegs would understand, he just didn’t really want to explain. He didn’t Fishlegs would need an explanation either. That was just how they were. They understood each other. Hiccup found himself rarely having to guess what Fishlegs was thinking.

Geometry, on the other hand. Geometry sucked.

While Hiccup enjoyed learning about different animals and their evolution and genetics in biology, geometry offered no such pleasure.

Hiccup found himself consistently unamused by various line graphs and circles.

Nevertheless, his father would be disappointed if he didn’t do well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha so u know how i said i would actually get to point and hurt someone? *jazz hands* i don't know how to abbreviate or plan anything!! i swear the angst is next chapter tho i really promise this time   
my b everyone


	4. there are no accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> excellinor sucks. thats it. thats the tea. also poor hiccup :( hes having a bad time and let me tell you that next chapter WILL be worse. brace urselves boys!  
tw: mild violence, kidnapping, swearing, stalking  
***  
also sorry, this took a bit. i was planning to get more done but then i had to do a bunch of stuff since school is starting in 2 days. im hoping to get another chapter up before then bc this will be likely going on more of a hiatus during school. im gonna try and update on weekends, but yknow, high school sucks. :(

“ALLLVIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!” his mother’s shriek was rather comparable to that of a pterodactyl. Alvin shuddered before replying.

“Yes, mother?”

“GET UP HERE!!”

Alvin rolled his eyes. His mother always needed something ridiculous. Could she see that he had his own matters to attend to?

Alvin ascended the large staircase that resided in the home they were staying in.

They moved around quite a bit as to avoid the police. His mother always ensured that they would be staying in incredibly decorated mansions though. Nearly every house had a large glass chandelier that appeared as soon as one stepped through the door. It was almost like a signature of wealth. Alvin wondered if his mother had a thing for chandeliers.

“What, mother?” He supposed he sounded cross, but he really couldn’t be bothered. He was a grown man; he was allowed to sound cross.

“Drop the attitude, Alvin,” Excellinor replied. “We’re about to catch that irritating boy you keep whining about.”

“What?” Alvin had almost entirely forgotten that Excellinor had promised revenge on that irritating little redhead. He had a lot of evil matters to attend to, it was quite easy to forget one.

“The boy who keeps foiling your plans, Alvin,” his mother was exasperated.

“Ah, yes, I, uh, I am aware. Thank you, mother.”

“Of course,” Excellinor smiled sweetly, or rather, it would have been sweet had she possessed a few more teeth.

“Have you captured him yet?”

“I sent two of our men after him. They’ve just spotted him. Honestly, Alvin, it’s pitiful he’s evaded you. One of them told me over comms that he can’t be more than 5’1 and is easily around 100lbs at most!”

“I know, mother! But that’s what makes him so tricky, you see. He’s very deceptive.”

Excellinor rolled her eyes. “Murderous says he thinks the boy is listening to Katy Perry.”

“It’s deception! He knows he’s being followed! He’s deceiving them!”

***

Unfortunately, dear reader, Alvin was rather incorrect.

Hiccup WAS rather clever, but you see, he had no idea he was wrapped up in any kind of mafia plot. Most fourteen-year-olds aren’t.

***

Hiccup wasn’t a paranoid person per se. He wasn’t one of those people who regularly feared unlikely occurrences. Unlikely occurrences meaning, kidnapping, being murdered, etc.

Nevertheless, Hiccup had a sinking feeling that he was being followed.

He picked up his pace. He could feel his heart beating faster and faster in his chest. He was praying that this was just one of Snotlout’s pranks or, better yet, nothing.

Yet, despite his prayers, he was rather concerned that the two people following him were getting closer.

He tried to keep on brighter lit streets.

He weaved in and out of stores.

After leaving an antiques store, Hiccup was sure he had lost them.

That was until he spotted them in the reflective glass of a restaurant window as he walked past. They were only a few paces behind him.

Hiccup picked up his pace again.

He wove in and out of more stores.

They were still behind him.

He started to run.

They did too.

It was getting late.

Too few people were out.

Hiccup was too afraid to look down and check his watch for fear of losing track of the men behind him, but he was certain it had been at least an hour since he left the library.

He was afraid to go home, to get to his house he had to go on far more rural streets.

_There was no way he would make it. _

_ He had to stay around other people. _

_ He had to think. _

_ Could he safely get to the police station without them attacking him? _

_ He doubted it. _

_ Could he—_

Hiccup didn’t get to finish his train of thought.

***

Every bone in his body hurt. Every muscle ached. His limbs felt heavy. His breath came in short gasps.

Definitely some broken ribs.

Hiccup opened his eyes into a dreary room. It was rather dark, though Hiccup could make out that the floor beneath him was dirt. It was rather wet though. A bit mud-like. Hiccup supposed it must have rained.

Funny, he didn’t seem to recall it raining.

Once Hiccup finished studying the odd floor beneath him, he noted that he was sitting in a wooden chair. It was rather uncomfortable. The wood was too hard and the back of the chair too straight. To add to the general discomfort of the chair, Hiccup found that his wrists and ankles had been bound to it. Ropes wound their way around his wrists, digging into his skin. He was grateful that he had worn jeans so his ankles, at least, were free of rope burn.

There were ropes wound around his chest too. They all rather hurt. He felt as though his body were strangled by the strange snakes of rope. Hiccup tried to shift against the binds but to no avail.

He wondered what his captors thought he would do. He was only one boy after all. How on earth could he possibly escape?

That thought became concerning. 

Where was he?

Why was he here?

Who took him here?

Who was he?

_Who am I? _Hiccup asked himself. _Oh shit. _He supposed that he should probably know who he was.

***

_SCRITCH SCRITCH SCRITCH _

Hiccup hadn’t even realized he had closed his eyes. Now he was opening them again. Or rather, opening one. His left eye was so swollen he could barely see out of it. He supposed he must have gotten punched. He wondered why.

Out of his right eye, he could faintly see a woman in the darkness. She had long thinning white hair. Her face was covered in wrinkles and she had a large wart on the end of her nose. Hiccup realized that the scratching noise he had heard was coming from her nails. She was scraping them across a wooden table that now sat next to Hiccup’s chair.

He swore it hadn’t been there before.

Who knew?

Her nails were leaving deep scratches in the wood of the table. That was concerning.

She seemed to be waiting for something. She wasn’t looking at the damage she was doing to the table. She was acting absentmindedly. Hiccup wondered what she was waiting for. Maybe she was waiting for him to wake up. Should he alert her? Probably not. Hiccup supposed that she wasn’t exactly a good person.

He sat in the darkness, waiting.

***

“You’re awake,” she smiled.

Hiccup mentally made a note to thank his father for making him get braces in sixth grade. (He wasn’t sure how he remembered that but not his name). It was clear that his captor had never received very good dental care. She was missing several teeth and the ones she had were awfully crooked. They pointed in directions Hiccup didn’t even know teeth could point.

He shivered away from her as she placed a hand on the back of his chair. Her entire body was horribly shriveled. Hiccup wondered if she was mortal. She certainly could pass for some immortal demon.

God, it would be his luck to get captured by a demon.

“Sorry to pull you away from, what I’m sure are… important matters,” she was still smiling. He wished she would stop. “I just have a few questions for you…dear.”

Hiccup looked up at her worriedly but nodded. _What on Earth could she have questions about? _

“So, you see,” she began, “it seems we have a slight problem. My ‘lovely’ son Alvin has been trying to go about his…daily life… and he claims that you have been…disrupting it.”

“Terribly sorry.”

The woman was rather taken aback. “So, you ARE doing this on purpose?”

Hiccup was pretty sure it must have been his amnesia, and probably his horrible headache, and the fact that he was rather terrified. He wasn’t being very polite at the moment.

“No! I don’t even know who YOU are! Who the FUCK is Alvin! Are you aware that I’m fourteen? I’m in high school. This can’t even be a normal kidnapping! I thought you were going to sell me or use me for random or something, well, NORMAL! But nooooo, I have to get kidnapped by some witch who thinks I know things! I don’t know things! I don’t even know my own name! How am I supposed to know some dude named Alvin!”

The Witch (Hiccup had decided to call her that), was even more taken aback than before. Still, the look of surprise remained on her face only for a moment. “My name is Excellinor. My son, Alvin, you have met. Tall bald man, missing an arm, leg, and eye. I presume that should make him rather memorable to you.”

Hiccup paused. He did know Alvin. Oh god. This was far from good.

“I’ve never heard of him.”

“LIAR,” the Witch hissed.

“No!” Hiccup argued, “I’ve never met Alvin!” _This was not a good plan. He needed a good plan. _

The Witch sneered. “Deny all you want, Hiccup, I assure you I WILL get answers. After all, you’re only a boy.” _Hiccup? Was that his name? That was a stupid name. _

“I don’t have any answers,” Hiccup insisted. He was trying to keep the fear out of his voice. It wasn’t working. His voice was rather small and shaky now. All the adrenaline from before was gone. All his confidence seeped away. This was inarguably the worst situation he had been in.

“There’s an easy way to do this,” she smiled again, “just tell me how you know about Alvin and his business. Tell me how and why you’ve become involved.”

“Or?”

“Or I’ll make you tell me.”

“What if I don’t know anything? Because I really don’t. Look, I’m sorry I’ve interfered or whatever, but I won’t in the future, please just let me go, I really don’t know anything. It was all an accident.”

“There are no accidents,” she hissed. One of her nails slashed across his cheek. She drew blood. A lot of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know hiccup is a bit OOC in the middle! sorry, i kinda figured that he would react a bit differently to scary situations than he does in the books bc in this he doesnt exactly grow up with all the crazy stuff he does in the books. he's a bit fishlegs-y for a minute, but then he gets a little bit more into character (i hope).  
also let me know if any of yall are interested in beta-ing for this story, i would love to improve it, i dont really have time to super edit everything myself. you'd get chapters early so thats a plus lmao (also id totally beta for u)  
oh and if yall have any ideas on how we should get hiccup to escape (a fiendishly clever plan) let me know!!


	5. cascade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: violence, graphic descriptions of torture (no blood tho i promise)  
yea so this is kinda based off yall know the torture scene in the books? yea that one. have a good time yall, we're finally getting to the real angst i promised!  
also alvin and excellinor suck & need a good ass-whooping

“You’re popular.” It was a man’s voice this time. _Alvin. _Hiccup opened his eyes, his left was still terribly swollen, though it did appear to be getting better. The cut on his right cheek had stopped bleeding, though it did sting quite a bit. It was also rather encrusted with the dried blood from earlier. Gross. Unfortunately, his right eye, however, was now sporting what he was sure, was a fantastic black eye. Some time must have passed, then.

“Huh?” His lips were dry and cracked_. How long had it been? What had even happened?_

“Your family or friends must have called the police. You've been reported as missing. Odd, I always assumed, considering who your father is, he wouldn’t much care about you. Sweet of your friends to call, though.”

“My dad does care about me,” Hiccup insisted. Alvin’s insult stung more than he would’ve liked to admit. Though he wasn’t quite sure why. He only faintly remembered his father.

“Really?” Alvin inquired, “He seems to spend more time with that company of his than he does with you.”

“He’s just busy.” Hiccup really hoped that was the truth. He didn’t feel like he had a deadbeat dad. But maybe he did. He couldn’t remember.

“Is your mother dead?”

“No.” _God, I hope not. I don’t feel like she’s dead. Please don’t let my mother be dead. _

“Where is she?”

“I don’t know.” 

“Oh Hiccup, you don’t know because she _doesn’t care_ about you. Neither does your father,” Alvin drawled. Hiccup felt his eyes stinging. “You’re quite lucky that little blonde girlfriend of yours seems to though. I assume she’s the one that alerted the police.”

“I wouldn’t know.” _I have a girlfriend? How? Also yikes. _

Alvin laughed. “Oh, silly me. I forgot. You’ve been trapped here with us.”

“Yeah,” said Hiccup grimly.

“My mother will be here in a minute. She’s the one with the questions. I just wanted to see you all tied up and bloody.” Alvin laughed again. Hiccup felt bile rise in his throat. His chest was clenching.

“Alvin,” Hiccup started, “Alvin, I don’t remember anything. I don’t even know my name. I don’t know if I ever knew anything about what you and your mother are planning, but I really, really don’t know now! Please, just let me go home.” Hiccup felt rather pathetic pleading, but what choice did he have? He couldn’t get out of this.

“I have to say, out of all the plans you’ve come up with, this has to be the worst. Of course, I’m not going to believe you, Hiccup. But, don’t worry, since _someone_ called the police, we’ve moved you. We were worried that we might’ve been traced to the original location, but now you’ll never be found.”

“Alvin,” Hiccup begged. He felt tears welling in his eyes. He tried to push them back, but he was so, so frightened.

A door creaked open. A light switched on.

“Alvin,” came a shrill voice. The Witch. “Why are you interrogating the boy in the dark? That’s dysfunctional. You can’t see either.”

“It’s supposed to be more intimidating, mother!” Alvin snapped.

“You’re not intimidating, Alvin, dearest.”

The Witch’s long robe flowed across the floor as she walked. It made her appear as though she were floating. Hiccup wouldn’t put it past her. Hiccup also had to agree with the Witch, compared to her, Alvin looked like a puppy dog.

Hiccup supposed he looked like a mouse.

Alvin rolled his eyes but stepped aside. “Go right ahead, mother,” he said, gesturing to Hiccup. The Witch smiled and stepped forward.

“Let’s go to work, shall we?”

***

“Once you agree to cooperate, I stop.”

“I really, really don’t know anything! Please, Exc—” Alvin slammed him violently in the stomach. The wooden leg really hurt. Hiccup doubled over, in his moment of pain, the Witch quickly adjusted his bonds to free him from the chair but kept his wrists and ankles bound.

“Let’s go.”

Hiccup was led from the room they were in. It was nicer than the warehouse or whatever he had previously been kept in, he noted. They went down several flights of stairs. This was getting creepier and creepier.

Finally, at the bottom of the stairs, the Witch led Hiccup to where a basin of water sat. _Oh shit. _

“Last chance,” she smiled, “You want to give us information or not?”

“I _don’t know_ anything!” Hiccup insisted. Alvin held a cloth in one hand and slapped it over Hiccup’s face. He held it in place. Securing his other hand on the back of Hiccup’s neck. Hiccup thought he might be sick right then and th—.

He was underwater.

It was freezing cold. Hiccup tried to struggle but they held him firm. Perhaps if he had played football like his father wanted, he would’ve had enough muscle to push past them. Unfortunately, as usual, he had not listened to his father.

Hiccup wanted to open his mouth and scream, doing that certainly meant that he would drown.

He held his breath as best he could. The rag around his face scratched uncomfortably. It made the whole situation, if possible, even more terrifying.

Hiccup squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus on holding his breath. Surely, they wouldn’t let him die. Surely, they would pull him up.

Finally, they did.

“Forty-five seconds,” said the Witch.

“Ready to talk? Rat,” Alvin spat.

“I…still…don’t…know…anything!” Hiccup gasped.

“Under you go.”

“Please,” Hiccup whispered.

His head slipped under the water.

“Sixty seconds.” He heard the Witch say.

Hiccup repeated his original routine. He squeezed his eyes shut. Sixty seconds. He could do this. His lungs started burning stronger this time. He felt as though his face were on fire.

He wanted to inhale so, so badly. He couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. It would just be so easy. Just take a breath. He wanted to believe he would find air.

He was pulled up yet again. Coughing and gasping.

“Ready to talk?”

Hiccup shook his head without even realizing it. Upon being relieved of the icy water, he found himself absorbed in a pool of memories. He _did_ remember. At least some stuff anyway. He remembered Alvin. He could tell them how he knew them.

He could tell them that it was all a mistake. That he and his friends had been searching for his friend’s estranged father and somehow, they kept bumping into Alvin and it really all was a _mistake_. They never meant any harm. He could explain all of it. They really were just trying to get out of everything alive, really. No one _meant_ for Alvin to fall off that hot air balloon.

But he didn’t.

The Witch didn't deserve any of the information about his friends. She would hunt them. She was vengeful. He wouldn't let that happen. He couldn't let that happen. 

Hiccup clenched his jaw.

“Seventy seconds.”

The cold returned. _Think of other things. _

A couple of years ago, there was this “Ice Bucket Challenge” that went around the internet. He hadn’t _actually_ done it. Though Camicazi had been rather inspired by it and dumped a large bucket of ice water on both him and Fishlegs. _Pretend that's what this is. Just a really large bucket of ice water that seems to go on and on. Camicazi is just pranking us. She always does stuff like this. Maybe I can shoot her with a paintball gun or something. No, too risky, she’d steal it and break my face with a paintball. Maybe—_

Hiccup needed to breathe. He needed air. He needed to resurface. How could he do that? He needed to force upward.

His limbs weren’t responding. Water was rushing up his nose. _Oh god. Is this what drowning feels like? _Hiccup had imagined it was a lot more peaceful.

Just at the last second, he was yanked upward, coughing and sputtering. Water was dripping into his eyes, his bangs were hanging limply across his face. His vision was blurry. He frantically blinked, attempting to clear the water from his eyes.

“Talk.” It was an order this time. _Why do my hands look vaguely blue? That can’t be good. _

Hiccup shook his head. _She can't know. _

“Eighty-five seconds. We need him to talk.” _I can't do this. _

Hiccup was submerged again. The cloth was really starting to feel rough against his face.

***

He was grateful for the cold water of the pool, that hot day in June. Even more grateful for the very existance of the small above ground pool in Camicazi’s backyard she was letting them use. They needed to teach Fishlegs how to swim, it was getting ridiculous at this point. They could hardly use the community pool, Snotlout seemed to reside there during the summer. He and his ridiculous friend group was constantly terrorizing everyone from small children to lifeguards. It was a miracle they hadn’t been banned.

Fishlegs was continuing to fail miserably at swimming. But at least he wasn’t getting tossed into twenty-foot water by Snotlout this time. Somehow, even with floaties and a pool only five feet deep, Fishlegs was still managing to struggle. He kept forgetting that he could stand. Then, in his frenzied panic, he would reach for the nearest thing, usually Hiccup, and grab him, sufficiently dunking him in his struggle not to “drown.”

_I’m glad Fishlegs isn’t the one nearly drowning here—_

_***_

The water was rushing in Hiccup’s nose again. He fought it, but it was useless. He tried to struggle, but it was useless. His limbs were becoming too heavy.

Hiccup exhaled.

Peace, for just a moment.

Then, as you might expect, as inhalation generally follows exhalation, Hiccup inhaled.

The cloth that was held against his face clenched against his nostrils, strangling him further. Hiccup was unable to tell whether he was breathing in or out. Flooded with more panic than water (if that was possible), he desperately tried to pull his head up, twisting to try and remove the cloth. There was no sense to his actions anymore. He fought desperately. His body was disconnected. Horribly disconnected. His limbs weren’t responding. He could hardly thrash. Perhaps this was why drowning victims always looked peaceful.

It wasn’t peaceful. The world around him was a mix of fire and ice. The water so cold it was near fire, his lungs were actually on fire, though. He was sure.

Hiccup felt his brain starting to get foggy. His panic was becoming more subdued. Though, not with relief, more with fading consciousness.

Hiccup was trapped in a darkness of fire and ice. He was paralyzed. His body was frozen yet burning with the heat of thousands of suns at the same time. He was fading.

_ Is this what dying is like?_

_***_

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??” the shriek was oddly warped, fading in and out of Hiccup’s ears. It was loud though, he knew that.

He vaguely felt his body hit some kind of damp stone floor. He still couldn’t breathe. It didn’t seem to matter whether or not he was above or below water, he still couldn’t breathe.

“God, mother! He’s _not_ going to talk! Just get it over with!”

“You fail to trust my ability to do my job, so you attempt to MURDER a BOY? A boy I could EASILY interrogate? A boy who could give us ANSWERS?”

“You don’t know him like I do, mother,” said Alvin impatiently.

“You are WORTHLESS!!” Excellinor shrieked, “DOES HE LOOK LIKE HE’LL BE GIVING US ANSWERS NOW?? YOU LEFT HIM UNDER THE WATER FOR FAR TOO LONG!! HE’S GOING TO BE JUST AS USELESS AS YOU NOW, ALVIN! YOU STUPID, STUPID BOY!”

Hiccup felt something collide with his side. “I don’t care about him giving us answers. He’s just some stupid kid, he probably didn’t even tell anyone. He’s just a nuisance, and now he’ll be dead, or a vegetable*, or whatever. Doesn’t matter to me. He’ll be out of the way.” The object collided with Hiccup’s side again. He presumed the object had something to do with Alvin. His boot perhaps.

Heavy lopsided footsteps faded away from him. A scuttering followed.

Hiccup supposed the room was empty. He didn’t know for sure. He still seemed unable to open his eyes.

Hiccup coughed. He didn’t seem to be able to stop. His chest ached, his entire body did. He wanted nothing more than to lie down, to go to sleep. To finally be at peace.

He didn’t get his wish.

His entire body convulsed. Shaking and trembling his lungs continued to spasm. He vaguely felt bile rising in his throat before it spilled onto the floor before him. Far more stomach acid and water than any kind of substance, it burned.

He continued to cough. He wondered if he would ever be free of the water in his lungs. _Was this how people died? _

He panted too. In between coughs, he couldn't catch his breath. Gasping desperately and continuously for air, he pleaded for peace.

Finally, his body gave out. He collapsed back onto the damp stone floor. Still shaking and spasming, though, he found that he was too weak to cough much anymore.

He still hadn’t opened his eyes.

He didn’t really plan to.

* * *

_* Alvin's vegetable comment refers to someone being in a "vegetative state." It's a medical term for a semi-conscious, uncommunicative state. It's very similar to comatose except with pupillary reaction and the person may involuntarily move other parts of their body. _

_In addition: I used several resources for my description of drowning. Listed below: _

_ <https://www.healthline.com/health/near-drowning#symptoms> _

_<https://www.ranker.com/list/what-does-it-feel-like-to-drown/katherine-ripley> (I used the testimony that specifically references drowning as a torture mechanism) _

_<https://www.medicinenet.com/drowning/article.htm>  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for updating so late! im gonna try and do as close to weekly updates as i can but it might be a little inconsistent while in school! also im trying to figure out everything with having people to beta because i really wanna make the content better but i also wanna produce content yknow? ill try and work on it lmao  
but yea enjoy! also sorry there wasn't a lot of sassy hiccup in this chapter :( he'll be back tho (hopefully with a fiendishly clever plan)


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